Self-Empowerment Quarterly

a Newsletter for the mind, body and spirit

for men and women  

ISSN 1073-6158                                                                                                             Volume 2 Issue 2

Table of Contents

HAPPINESS EMPOWERMENT

I begin every issue with an article about bringing more happiness into your life. A sincere sense of ongoing joy eludes a majority of people. I want to help change that! Please read this carefully if you don’t want to waste another precious minute of life without feeling contentment and joy when you wake up each day, despite life’s snags. Don’t be one of those who wait until they’re much older and then lament how much they missed. It’s all YOUR choice. This issue I discuss how to make your dreams.

Growing into Your Dreams

We dream as kids – of meeting Prince Charming, becoming a baseball player, or getting many of the things we see on TV and in movies. As we get older, we still have dreams, but they can seem more like fantasies if we haven’t made any come true. Eventually dreaming stops if it seems futile. Then bitterness or cynicism can dampen or extinguish happiness. I stand as an example that you can live out your dreams if you choose to! 

Do you live passively or on purpose? Waiting for things to happen doesn’t help turn dreams into reality. Use your power to live on purpose. What does that mean? Get in touch with what you’d like to do and consciously go after it. The more things you try, the more chances of finding what makes you happy. Achieving what you wish for is very empowering.  

I’ve talked about going to Alaska for years. And years. But talking about it like it would definitely happen contributed to my spontaneously making a reservation. I’ve had good excuses for not going in past years. Last summer I was preparing for my national book tour, so no time. The summer before I waited too long to plan it. And many excuses before that. But because I talked about my dream regularly, it was on the tip of my thoughts when I decided to do something special for me.  

I knew that deep down I was nervous about going all the way to Alaska solo. It’s a long trip from NYC. And if I was going all that way, I wanted to be there for over 2 weeks, which is a big chunk of time to be away. I could have made excuses for the next 10 or more years but it was on my mind. When I thought about going, I checked availability of flights. I had enough miles to go first class, which eased my concern a bit about the long trip. For 3 nights I searched the Internet for info and tinkered with the idea of going, which I’d done before and chickened out.  

Then it hit me. If kept putting it off, I’d never go. So without time for second-guessing or giving into my doubts, I went online and booked my flight. I’m so glad I did! Alaska was an experience of a lifetime! My dream exploded on that trip. I took risks and did things I’d never done. Each fear became a challenge to get past it and do something wonderful. The tourist office was so helpful in guiding me to activities I’d love. I had 18 days in Alaska and they were filled with beauty, adventure and tons of fun fun. And fantastic people! 

The most special aspect of Anchorage and nearby areas is the glaciers – mountains of ice from thousand of years ago. I saw my first one on the Portage Cruise tour. It’s a great way to see a glacier up close in a short time near of Anchorage. I saw another gorgeous glacier while canoeing on Spencer Lake. Then I did a jet boat safari into areas not accessible in other ways. And I hiked though Alaska’s rain forest in Girdwood, just a short ride from Anchorage.  

I took my first big risk with a whole day of kayaking. Why a risk? I went to Blackstone Bay with Alaska Sea Kayakers, 45 minutes by cruiser to where we began, so I couldn’t go back if I didn’t like it. I was also a tad concerned about feeling queasy on the boat. I considered skipping this excursion but decided I came to Alaska to experience its beauty and adventure. So I went. Kayaking around glaciers was the best day I had in that region – a shining example of why it’s great to overcome fear! 

Alaska continued to grow on me big-time as I headed for Denali Park, home of Mt. McKinley, on the scenic Alaskan Railroad, riding through trees and nature’s gifts. At Denali I took the Tundra Tour, which began at 5 AM. That’s way too early for me, but it’s a great way to see the park, wild animals and learn about the how special this place is. It’s a trail-less park and there are many restrictions designed to keep it in the most natural state as possible. At night I went to their musical dinner theater and sat at a group table eating a feast of chicken, ribs and assorted accompaniments. The waiters and waitresses were also singers so their service was entertaining. After dinner, they put on a show about the history of the park. 

From the park, I continued on the railroad to Fairbanks, where I took a bush plane to a highlight of my trip – Denali Wilderness Lodge. I was nervous about flying on that tiny plane for 40 minutes. But again I knew I HAD TO do it. HAD TO! It was so much fun. No queasiness. Just extraordinary views of trees and mountains. I felt like part of Sean and Lucy Crotty’s (owners) family. I experienced being on a small plane again on the return trip of a fly/drive trip after crossing the Arctic Circle in a tour van that took us up north along the Alaskan pipeline with Arctic Circle Fly/Drive Adventure. It rounded out my joy of facing fears. 

Fear makes you cop out of doing what you’d like – leaving dreams in your bed. Don’t be afraid to take risks. Often, the worst that will happen is you may have to wait for what you want, or change direction. And let’s not be instant gratification pigs here. Take small steps toward something new and you can reach it. 

          * Dare to dream. Create a wish list with realistic dreams, but don't limit yourself. Realistic wishes are ones that are possible, even if you don't believe they are for you: a vacation in Fiji, a new car, a terrific new career, getting a degree. I used to ponder great things I yearned to do, as I’d fall asleep, but talk myself out of them the next morning. Why not have the reality too?         

          * Write down something specific you want to go after.  If you can't do it with pen and paper, you can't really visualize it. Elaborate on your excitement, and include why you want it and how you’d feel about receiving. Read it often to inspire you. 

          * Find good teachers to help you nurture yourself and your dreams. You may need new skills or a mentor to achieve them. When you have a good support system, it’s easier. You can learn how to create a heavenly reality!         

          * Surround yourself with positive people. It’s easier to pursue dreams when friends are cheering you on or will listen when you’re frustrated. Ditch the naysayers when possible. It’s harder to go forward when you waste energy defending what you want to do to them or lose momentum because they doubt you. Friends who believe in you help you to believe. 

          * Plan it all out first. Whatever it is that you want to do – figure out all the steps needed to chart your course. Then take it one small step at a time. There’s no rush, as long as you do something. And creating plans is doing something too! Recognize all progress. 

          * Try a much smaller version of your dream first. If you want to write a book, write a short story or article for practice. I made many less daunting trips solo before I took on Alaska. Test the water before diving in, one toe at a time. It gives you a taste of your ultimate goals and allows you to develop more confidence to go for the big one.

* Write down problems as they arise, but choose specific times to think about them. Get into something comfy, sit in a cozy spot, sip wine or tea, and list every possible solution to each problem. It helps organize fears and actions to help you to feel more in control. Try to only ponder them during the allotted times so you’re not walking around worrying about what you might not be able to do. 

          * Be spiritually patient. When your faith is strong, you can trust that when the time is right you’ll find ways to move forward. I told people for years that I was going to Alaska and got brochures 4 years earlier. It allowed me to slowly budget and figure out details. I kept putting it out so when the time was right, I was ready. If you can put your dream into God’s hands, you’ll get support when it’s time for fruition. When I was ready to make my trip, it all fell into place. 

          * Get into the habit of applauding yourself for each bit of progress in your attitude and actions. Did you locate your resume to rewrite it? Yeah! Call a tourist office for brochures on travel there? Hurray! Start going out more with friends because you know you’re in a good place in your life for meeting a romantic partner? Good for you! Gather info on the Internet for relocating to a city you may enjoy more? Great! You don’t have to reach the final goal to cheer yourself on. Taking a positive step is reason enough to pat yourself on the back and feel good that you’ve done something for you. 

We’re all capable of making dreams come true. Don't wait until you feel too old to go after them. It’s your choice: continue being a dreamer or become someone with a purpose. Often dreams don't get fulfilled because of unworthy feelings, fear of trying, or concern with what others will think. Is disapproval worse than sitting home unhappy, brooding over why others get goodies and you don’t? I've made many dreams come true. It’s such fun and so empowering! And when you realize a dream, don’t forget to keep on dreaming. I can’t wait to make my next dream come live! For more motivation, you can read my blog at http://www.solochickalaska.blogspot.com/

There’s a confidence booster in each issue. Confidence is a big key to getting what you desire. Nobody is born with good self-confidence. We all have insecurities. But you can work to build your confidence and attract a lot more good with it.

Take A Public Speaking Class. Many people are uncomfortable speaking to a group. If that’s you, there are 2 common choices: let it defeat you or get over it. I highly recommend a public speaking class for more confidence. It could increase your ability to interact with others at a gathering of people you don’t know or when you give a presentation for work. Speaking classes teach you skills that make you more confident in your communication in general. Having tools for speaking can increase your confidence in all areas of your life!

I’ll repeat this in every issue. Taking care of your body is a gift of love to you. Being healthy makes you feel better. This doesn’t mean striving for a perfect body or impressing a romantic partner. Create better nutritional habits; take vitamins/supplements and exercise for YOU! When you focus on being healthy, you give yourself love!

Interview with Lisa Lillien, founder of Hungry Girl

Hungry Girl is a free daily email subscription service - not so much a destination web site. They send emails to over 150,000 people a day. The audience is made up mostly of women -- but there are some guys on the list as well. The information is for anyone who is interested in food, watching calories, fat, etc. The content is formatted by day of the week. Mondays they send news, Tuesday is "Chew the Right Thing" day, where they compare the best and worst of one particular item, Wednesday is "Ask Hungry Girl" advice, Thursday and Friday -- The Weekly Weigh In and Girls Bite Out-- are revolving doors of content like Survival Guides, Rockin' Recipes, Chew & Tell reviews and more.  

Why did you start Hungry Girl?    I started it with the intention of helping people. I was always the person at the market who would see someone looking at a particular food and I'd walk over and tell them why it was good or bad – or point out one that was better. Now I get to do that on a much larger scale.

What was your relationship with food before you to started Hungry Girl?  I love food. I had about a 20 - 25 lb. weight problem for most of my life – and I lost 25 lbs about 6 years ago by changing my eating habits.

Why do you think so many people have so much trouble achieving and maintaining a healthy weight?    Because our society is so food-centric. Portion sizes are tremendous, and we are constantly being bombarded with TV commercials featuring gooey pizzas with cheese-stuffed crust, huge cream pies, ice cream sundaes, etc. It's all about huge portions and decadent, bad-for-you foods. That stuff is hard to resist!

How can knowledge about food be power?  If you know exactly what you're getting into when you go out to eat, you can make smart decisions. And a little knowledge goes a long way. I always tell people to Google their restaurants before going out to eat-- familiarize yourself with the menu and plan ahead. Also – knowing little things – like how fattening salad dressing is, and how to order smart at restaurants, etc. can save you thousands of calories a week – and that's with very little effort.

What are some valuable lessons you learned from your explorations into food?    Not to trust labels. Unfortunately the FDA isn't doing a great job of holding companies accountable for putting false nutritional info on labels. So many of the smaller "mom and pop" companies have foods with inaccurate calorie counts on the labels. If a foods nutritional info seems too good to be true, there's a good chance that it is too good to be true. So be careful...

What products that you discovered have really made a difference and why do you love them?    House Foods Tofu Shirataki Noodles. They're brilliant. They have literally changed my life.  I love them because I had basically written off pasta - decided that it wasn't for me because of how caloric it is.  And discovering these noodles has changed all that. I can make an AWESOME 80 calorie bowl of fettuccini alfredo (called Fettuccini Hungry Girlredo) now.  There's so much you can do with these noodles. I LOVE them! The bottom line is they have 1/20th the calories of regular pasta and they taste almost as good – and they're HEALTHY, too!

What's your best advice for someone who wants to take control of how they eat?  Don't deprive yourself. Just find satisfying swaps for the foods you love -- guilt-free versions -- so you can indulge without feeling bad, or packing on pounds. A few simple tweaks to your eating habits can make all the difference. 

We can do many things to improve our health. I strongly believe in complementary medicine – using both traditional and alternative treatments. In each issue I’ll include an alternative solution to a physical problem. Doing something to alleviate a physical problem increases happiness. I include taking care of skin in this section, because with natural nourishment you can slow down aging and look better. That’s very loving!

Maintaining Good Skin

Guys! This isn’t just for women so please read this!

Something that makes us all feel better is having good skin. I’ve gotten a lot of compliments on mine and it helps my self-esteem. The more I consciously treat my skin with care, the more loving I feel to me. As we get older, skin can betray, or hide our age. Why not look better if you can?! There are a gazillion products on the market that promise to help get rid of lines and other things we don’t like. I’ve used some as I get older. But the product that’s helped me the most, is available to you for free – water. 

Water has been the key to my great complexion since my early twenties, when I read an article about what really moisturizes skin. No products, no matter how fancy, hydrate on their own. Most hold moisture in, but you need some to hold. The trick – add water to your face before applying moisturizer. When I wash my face, I lightly pat it dry instead of wiping all the water off and apply moisturizer on damp skin. Try it if you want to get the maximum benefits from skin care products. Do this on your body too!  

Skin gets thirsty. Make sure you give it enough to drink. Use a moisturizer that holds water in. I’ve been using plain old Nivea since I began a skin care regiment. It keeps the water in well. When I apply it, it doesn’t go on smoothly because of the water on my skin but eventually it disappears. That’s because it’s water resistant, which keeps the water in the skin. Find your own favorite and use it! I now also use products with other beneficial ingredients but put water on first. 

Guys, you don’t need to be a metro-sexual to keep your skin hydrated. You have it a little easier. Shaving exfoliates the skin, which means it removes the dead skin so new skin can flourish. Women need to use products to exfoliate, and should, at least once or twice a week. There are products for this or just use a washcloth or loufah to wash. When you clear the old cells, the new can make your skin more radiant and lines can get lighter. 

Good nutrition also helps your skin. Fish is especially great for keeping skin hydrated. Omega-3 fatty acids found in fish, especially salmon, are nature’s moisturizer. All foods known for their anti-oxidants help skin to age better. If you don’t get enough nutrients in food, take vitamins. Vitamins C and E and selenium have lots of anti-oxidants. I also take salmon and flaxseed oil capsules. Their benefits go way beyond skin. They help your whole body to stay healthy. 

I’ve recommended SinusBuster, a capsaicin pepper spray that cleared my sinuses. They also have skin care products. After a week of using Capsiderm face cleanser and Pepper Care face cream, people asked if I’d had work done. They’re inexpensive and last a while. I admit I much prefer fancier skin products. Capsiderm looks like car oil and tingles. It’s made with a traditional African Black Soap and 11 powerful herbal extracts with an anti-oxidant formula for tackling blemishes and acne while conditioning the skin and tightening lines. The Pepper Care, a nutritional cream that also gently exfoliates, is like putting mud on my face. But both are natural products and work well, so I use them. http://www.sinusbuster.com 

When we’re young, we feel invincible and may take our skin for granted. Don’t do this! No matter how young you are, good care will help you look younger later on. Begin to develop a consciousness now and lay the foundation for when you get older or if you’re over 40, stop the aging process at least somewhat. Another tip is never wash your face with plain soap, which dries skin. I’ve always used cleansing cream. Nowadays, there are many products made specifically as facial washes. Many dermatologists recommend Cetaphil cleanser as gentle and effective. And it’s inexpensive too! 

Good nutrition both inside and out generates more youthful, healthier skin. It doesn’t have to cost a lot. Consciously taking care of how you wash your face, protect it with care, and eat foods with nutrients brings wonderful results. And don’t forget to use sunscreen before you go out during the day, whether it’s sunny or not. Don’t wait until you feel old when you look in the mirror to start caring for your skin. Start NOW! My great skin is no accident. Maintain yours to be the best it can be with conscious care and self-love!

Guest writer William Sinunu traveled the world to learn about factors that can add great value to your happiness level and help reduce the stress that so many of us experience in a fast paced world. He found that people in many parts of the world live a slower and healthier lifestyle. He shares tips he learned in his book, Life Could Be Sweeter, 101 Great Ideas from Around the World for Living a More Rewarding Life. We often think we know it all but that’s far from the truth. Being a travelholic, I can attest that there’s lots to be learned from other cultures. Sinunu shares 7 tips for increasing happiness through travel. 

Give and Receive Global Love on Your Next Vacation

7 Tips to a Rewarding International Experience

by William Sinunu

Tap into your sense of adventure!  Go abroad and experience another culture. London is the number one travel destination for Americans outside North America. Think about an exotic locale- some place off the beaten path and one where you don’t speak the language or are unfamiliar with the customs. As Americans, we often have limited vacation time, so here are some options that aren’t too terribly far. In Europe- consider Budapest, Prague and Krakow. All are charming and magical. If you like to pioneer a bit, consider some of the Baltic countries like Estonia or Lithuania. Turkey is another beautiful and welcoming country if you want to dabble in a land where the Middle East meets Europe. If you are intrigued by South America, Chile is a wonderful and often overlooked tourist destination. International airfares are now very reasonable. Shop around and you will be surprised how affordable many of these destinations have become!    

Frequent cafes! Lounging in a cafe is the best way to casually strike up a conversation with a local and learn the reality of international daily life. In many global spots, you can lounge in a café for hours, nursing a cup of coffee and absorbing the feel of a new place. Sitting in cafes and people watching is a national pastime for many cultures and conversations are often casually initiated. Often locals will invite you to meet their families and enjoy a meal with them. Take them up on their offer- everybody wins!  It’s a chance for them to become more familiar with Americans and a great way for you to have an authentic experience and make new friends around the world. 

Traveling isn’t just about the sites; it’s about the people!  Learn a few words in the native language. Open up the door to interaction. Your attempts to speak their language will show your hosts that you are enthusiastic to be in their country and you don’t expect perfection. (Think about how you would react if you were to see somebody in your home city or town, dressed somewhat differently- showcasing a big smile, map in hand and asking directions in broken English….it is endearing!) Think like a "world citizen" and open up the door for communication. The bottom line- although we may have different traditions and customs, we share many of the same needs and desires.  We have much more in common than we typically assume. 

A smile is universal!  Establish eye contact and be aware of how you are being perceived. We often don’t realize that we may unintentionally intimidate others with our language, clothing, and actions or tone of voice. Try to create an atmosphere where people feel comfortable approaching you.   

Eating the local fare is part of the experience!  After all, think about some of the foods we regularly eat. Is eating horsemeat really that different than eating a cow or a pig? 

Take the time to reflect each day! Write down your feelings and recap your experience every night before you sleep. Reading over your journal entries after you have returned home will allow you to revisit your vacation in a completely different way. When it comes to pictures, make sure you include your newfound international friends! 

Think about traveling solo!  It may seem scary, but traveling alone has an upside. You will have the opportunity to do exactly what you want with no required compromise and logistically, planning the trip is certainly easier. Typically, solo travelers meet more people on their trip than they would have if they were with a friend. If it is too big of a step for you, then think about taking some time to spend alone on your trip doing an activity you enjoy. Many of us live in such a fast paced world that we have little time to ourselves in which to reflect on our lives. Being in another culture often provides the setting to think about our daily lives at home and allows us to more clearly see changes we may want to make. 

Travel allows us to grow and expand our horizons, but life’s lessons don’t have to be academic. Focus on having fun and being open to new experiences and people- the lessons will follow.  Have a wonderful trip!

Connecting to Your Partner with Intimacy

A woman who feels loved becomes a very sexy chick. And men open more with a woman they feel a strong intimate connection to. Intimacy creates a stronger love connection in committed couples. It’s not necessarily about sex, but definitely heats things up in the bedroom when you want it to. While sex doesn’t create the kind of intimacy I’m referring to, intimacy definitely can intensify a sexual experience. Why? Because real intimacy is tied to trust! 

Intimacy is loving. It’s a touch, a loving glance, sharing confidences, trusting your partner to be comfortable by being yourself with him or her, and other gestures that make you feel closer to your partner. When two people care deeply for each other, intimacy communicates that. It starts during non-sexual times. Men often complain that women need too much attention. That’s often not what we seek. We want to feel connected to our partner in an intimate way. While you might not understand exactly what you want or why it feels good to have it, both sexes enjoy feeling connected through intimacy. 

Women need to feel loved. Most make that obvious. But guys do too, just as much! They may not know how to show it or what to do, but all human beings benefit from touch and subtle loving gestures. No one wants to feel that someone is just there in an intimate way just for sex. Loving contact in every day life builds trust and shows that you’re together because you care, not to satisfy physical needs. 

Intimacy that develops over time – as you get to know each other in personal ways – brings you closer to your partner. That includes developing levels of trust based on letting your partner know different facets of the “real you,” having it reciprocated, and giving each other a positive, non-judgmental response. As trust is slowly earned, more is shared. Both partners need to open up a bit for true intimacy to occur. But sometimes a woman gets the ball rolling faster and her guy has to catch up at his own pace. 

Rushing intimacy doesn’t create the deep kind that sustains. As you continue in a relationship, it should slowly unfold. Having it prematurely can push the whole relationship too fast and too far, which often results in problems. One person might get scared and bolt or sabotage it. Or the personal details begin to bother you since you weren’t ready for them. 

As your relationship blossoms, slowly add intimate gestures to the way you treat your partner. Encourage him or her to try some too. Intimacy can’t be a one-way street with you always taking the initiative while your partner does little. You may not go at the same pace but if you and your partner care deeply for each other, you can develop and increase your intimacy in small ways that bring huge rewards. Some suggestions are: 

·         Touch your partner gently as you pass at home or when you’re standing together. 

·         Spend time in bed before going to sleep snuggling while you each gently run your fingers over each other’s body. Don’t do it with the intention of initiating sex. Sensual touching is it’s own pleasure. If it makes you eventually jump each other’s bones – enjoy! 

·         Give a gentle kiss on the cheek while he’s cooking dinner or while she’s checking email. In a busy day, connecting through touch and kisses keeps the connection strong. 

·         Make eye contact when you’re in public. Smile at each other when your eyes meet. If you have kids, this can remind you that you’re not just parents but also partners in love. 

·         When you’re with others, squeeze his arm occasionally or if you have a private moment, her butt. 

·         Compliment your partner regularly. Express what you admire or why you see him/ her as special. Both men and women appreciate sincere words. Point out small qualities that you appreciate, such as knowledge of a certain subject or an ability to help others. 

·         Get comfortable in your own skin with your partner in his/her own skin - literally. Slowly get used to existing with each other sans clothing. When intimacy and trust are strong, being in the buff together enhances intimacy. Don’t play coy with your partner once you’ve been together for some time. There’s no need for clothing barriers or hiding to get dressed when trust gets solid. Doing it will make you more comfortable.  

·         Take a shower together. Washing each other is very intimate. Wash each other’s hair too! It’s such a lovely connection that serves a practical function as well. 

Don’t get excessive but take advantage of being able to make contact with the person you love. Give a hug when you can. Everyone needs one regularly. Hugs have been proven to be extremely good for your health. That’s why I hug people when I can. It’s a way of giving and receiving a health benefit. 

Reach out and touch your partner. Be loving and sincere. Allow intimacy to grow between you to strengthen all other areas of your relationship – friendship, parenting, being apart, having disagreements and yes, sex too! Free yourself to reach out and touch and be touched and enjoy the delicious intimacy it can create – if you allow it!

Get enough sleep: It’s critical to your well-being. If you like looking young—take advantage of the collagen produced at the end of a sleep cycle. Have you noticed more lines when you get less sleep than usual? Sleep nourishes skin. Mine reflects the 7-8 hours a night I strive for, no matter how much I'd love time for other things. Erratic sleep makes us erratic. Being tired makes it harder to function. A good night's sleep helps you feel better about you. Tiredness makes spirits sag. So get enough rest! Do you feel guilty about sleeping or taking down time? Get over it! Rest is very loving. Value yourself by making sleep a priority!

Empowering Your Words

As a writer, I’m always conscious of how important it is to use the right words to convey a message I want to get across as clearly as possible. Early in life I was taught to be diplomatic in what I said to people. Being courteous to a customer service person gives me a better shot at getting what I want. When talking to a child, I’m always careful not to come across as critical if I make a suggestion. I’d never tell a friend that her hair looks awful, even if it does. Instead, I’d suggest ways she can improve it. Tactful words bring much better results. 

Your choice of words determines if your communication sounds positive or negative. Choosing them with care makes a big difference in how people perceive a message. Yet we often don’t use nearly as much care for choosing words that relate to ourselves. We beat ourselves up in our heads and out loud. The bad news – your words can bring you down and hurt your confidence. The good news – you can change your self-perception and outlook by changing your words. 

Part of self-empowerment is taking control of how you address yourself and your situations. We’re usually much harder on ourselves than we are on others. Since we get back what we put out, it’s critical to watch your words more carefully. Become conscious so you can begin to catch yourself. It’s your choice to be a victim of your choice of words or to let them empower you. Consciousness can guide you to the latter. Soften all your negative thoughts into kinder expressions.For example: 

·         I often correct someone who talks about how difficult his or her life is. “I’ve been struggling at work to please my boss.” I no longer struggle. Instead, I think of “the struggle” as having challenges. It’s the same situation but with a different flavor. Struggling brings you down. Taking on challenges is struggling in a more positive way.  

·         You dilute your intentions when by prefacing them with wishy-washy thoughts, like "I might" - “I’ll try” - “If I can” - “I hope to." We attract what we give out!!! Prepare for failure and receive! If you want to break that habit, practice using “I can” or “I will” when stating what you want. It puts you more in the mindset for success. 

·         When you begin a statement with self-defeating comments, it sets people up to expect to find your ideas weak. Phrases like, “You probably won’t like this but…” or “This may sound dumb…,” especially in a business, makes people not take you seriously. Why make the person expect ideas they won’t like or something dumb? “I have something I think you’ll find interesting or valuable” gives them a positive expectation and they’ll be more open to your suggestion. 

·         Pay serious attention to what you call yourself when you make a mistake. Thinking, “I’m such an idiot” or stupid or a moron or any other derogatory term is much harsher than you’d use on a friend. Be kinder about the way you perceive yourself. Thinking of yourself as silly instead of more insulting words takes the edge off of goofs (another kinder word). Don’t use any words against you that you wouldn’t use on a friend you care about. 

·         Limit using 4 letter words. I noticed that as my self-esteem grew, I used curse words much less. I still #@% if I stub my toe or get pissed at a situation. But much less often. Cursing fuels anger. Some do it to sound cool when they don’t feel good about themselves. Taking control of a foul mouth is empowering and helps improve your self-image. 

Enthusiasm and confidence hooks people so they at least consider what you say objectively. Stay aware! You can break habits of using negative words. Even if you have to force yourself to be positive or to state your case without a negative preface, force yourself! Losing those thoughts is empowering and attracts more. It’s worth the effort.

In each issue I’ll answer a question about how to handle a specific situation. Please send in questions about something that you’d like help with. 

Acting Your Age

I’m very petite and look much younger than my thirty-five years. People always expect less of me and try to take advantage. Last week a client asked if I was an intern. Did I mention I’m VP of a large financial company!? What can I do to get taken more seriously? Jamie B.   

My answer: It begins with taking yourself seriously. You can’t change people’s initial perceptions of you but your confidence and hard work can make an impression that lasts. What you think of you is what truly matters. You may have to work a little harder to be professional. A lawyer I spoke to who’s very small says she wears suits to work, even on days when she could dress down. The suit displays a more professional image. But how others view your appearance isn’t nearly as important as the way your attitude shows you mean serious business.  

When I first got into the music business, I was one of the few women with an independent record label. Few took me seriously. But I took myself seriously. As men teased me, I laughed it off while doing a good job. Eventually they had no choice but to view me differently, as my label had more success. I don’t worry about what others think of me as long as my self-respect is strong. People used to underestimate me and I used that to my advantage. They thought they could get over on me so their guards were down. It helped me have the upper hand in deals.  

In every issue I’ll include success stories from my readers. Please send in yours. 

I’m chipping away at the chip on my shoulder!

My mother always criticized me and told me what to do in a bossy way. I didn’t feel loved and resented how she spoke to me. When I read Debra Mandel’s article in the last issue, I finally recognized why I bristle when anyone in authority at works tells me what to do or makes a suggestion. Even if it’s not critical, I get angry. Now I’m learning to really listen and not take suggestions personally. Before I get angry, I think about whether the message is to hurt me, like my mother’s was. Now that I’m seeing it isn’t, I’m making the effort to get along with my co-workers better. I feel more relaxed and am setting a healthier set of boundaries. Joanna B. 

I remember the boy scout!

I’ve been feeling lousy about my life lately, which made me feel lousy about me. My confidence was low. Then I tried the “I love me” tip about hanging a photo of me in a when I was in a better place. I chose one of me in the boy scouts. I loved being one and it made me feel like I could conquer the world. Each time I look at the photo is a reminder of who I was and who I want to be. Now I’m feeling better each day and making more of an effort to overcome obstacles. I want to be the man I hoped to grow up to be and I’m feeling more hope. Ian P.

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Well, that’s all for this issue. A BIG thank you to Michael Feuerstein and Debra Mandel for allowing me to include their input. Please write and tell me things you’d like me to write about and send in your questions and success stories.

Keep your passions strong! 

With love from,

Daylle

http://www.daylle.com

© 2006 Project Self-Empowerment, LLC