All Men Are Jerks Until Proven Otherwise
Fifteenth Anniversary Edition
"How to Find Yourself" would be have been a more appropriate title because Schwartz‘s book encourages women to concentrate on improving their own lives instead of using all their energy trying to get a man..." ~Boston Globe
"The title of [All Men Are Jerks until Proven Otherwise] is misleading; it isn‘t an instruction book on man-bashing. It‘s an informative, amusing and thoughtful guide on how women can steadily navigate romantic minefields and avoid getting shrapnel stuck in their psyches—and their hearts.... "~~Detroit News
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About The Book
Are All Men Are Jerks? Not by a long shot says Daylle Deanna Schwartz in her groundbreaking book, All Men Are Jerks - Until Proven Otherwise. She believes that one woman’s jerk can be another woman’s treasure—IF she stays in control of herself from the beginning. She explains:
“Too often women get sucked in by romantic words and gestures and don’t wait to see if he’s for real before getting carried away. Before knowing if he’s for real, they trade common sense for momentarily getting emotional needs met. Saying “All men (and women) are jerks until proven otherwise” is a reminder to slow down and make a guy earn your trust over time, with actions and follow-through on his words and not take him seriously yet. When you forgive inexcusable behavior because he brought flowers or said something loving, who’s the real jerk?”
For its Fifteenth Anniversary edition, Schwartz added new material, including a chapter about Jerks Online. The Internet is a breeding ground for taking advantage of women. Schwartz wants women to understand how to protect themselves against being manipulated. Over the past 15 years, the book was translated into 15 languages, including Farsi. In 2002 it was banned in Iran. The translator emailed Schwartz about how the book changed her life and they’re still in touch.
Since 1998, tens of thousands of women have credited the book for finally teaching them how to take charge of themselves in a relationship. The book doesn’t teach how to find and keep a man. Plenty of other books have that. It instead encourages women to develop a relationship with themselves and explains how to take responsibility for how men treat them.
Men love the book too, once they get past the title because Schwartz encourages women to stop trying to make rules about relationships and change men into their prince charming. Men have the right to be who they are, communicate the way they want, and not to want to get married after the first date. That said, when a woman changes her own behavior and responses to things she doesn’t like, without nagging, whining or complaining, guys may change on their own, if he likes her.
All Men Are Jerks Until Proven Otherwise means don’t trust a man until he’s earned it with actions over time. Schwartz sees many women creating the jerks they later complain about by allowing them to get away with unacceptable behavior in an effort to please them. Women excuse men in exchange for flowers, romance, compliments, good sex and sweet apologies. When they get fed up, they call men jerks.
All Men Are Jerks Until Proven Otherwise is for women who want a new approach to dealing with men because they’re not happy, even in a relationship. It provides a healthier alternative to the traditional mindset women have often been encouraged to follow. Daylle Deanna Schwartz believes that the key to finding happiness with a man is to find happiness with yourself first. She provides tools for developing the autonomy necessary to accomplish that end. If you can get to a place where you can see a man as a sweet addition to your life, as opposed to a necessity, your relationship becomes a win/win situation: you win if you have a satisfying relationship with a man—you win if you have to leave a jerk since you have a satisfying life either way.
Schwartz believes that women put too much energy into men, and not enough into themselves saying, "If you want a man, get a life." When women don’t have their whole life revolving around men, when they can have fun with friends and learn to enjoy their own company, and when they can create a complete life without a man, they’ll have healthier grounds for a relationship. When women don’t need a man to satisfy every one of their needs, things that annoyed them about men in the past may not bother them so much. When women have their own life to turn to for satisfaction, men may not seem like such jerks any more. These kind of women are definitely more attractive to men!
This updated edition of All Men Are Jerks - Until Proven Otherwise makes your own happiness your first priority. Women can learn how to take control of how men treat them--and get the love they deserve!
More of What People Say About The Book
"[Daylle Deanna Schwartz‘s] media experience is clear from her book (All Men Are Jerks), which is filled with sound bites. This results in writing that is no-nonsense and easy to read. Her advice, offered in a been-there-done-that tone, is understandable and free of psycho-jargon. Recommended for all public libraries.... "—Library Journal
"This isn‘t just another male-bashing book. Schwartz attempts to explore the various issues between the sexes and show ways a relationship can work.... "—Fresno Bee